Smiting Snowmanity!

This is the tale where Dread Lord Cthulhu smites snowmanity in Antarctica

It is well-known that Dread Lord Cthulhu and the Kraken’s main biz is to smite humanity for its arrogance and hubris [read all about it on the “Kraken mythology I” blog]. We now also know that they were recently released during the largest all-female (scientist) expedition to Antarctica to help intrepid Krakenologist DrPusSea and her friends fight off a Medusa that was trapped with them on a ship. What we didn’t know is that Cthulhu doesn’t only smite humanity – oh no. Especially not on its home turf, in Antarctica…

Why is Cthulhu so fickle about Antarctica?

To be fair, it isn’t just Dread Lord Cthulhu who thinks that the icy wilderness of Antarctica should remain as pristine and untainted as possible. In fact, no signs of humanity are allowed to be left behind on the Antarctic continent. This is made clear to any visitors to Antarctica with some pretty unusual rules (YOU WON’T BELIEVE #3! Sorry.) This is one of the few things most of humanity managed to agree on. It is, however, unclear if they agreed to keep clear of any Antarctic exploitation because the Dread Lord Cthulhu put the fear of… well, Cthulhu in them!

Image by British Antarctic Survey

So… what did these lady researchers do to piss off Dread Lord Cthulhu?

One gloriously stunning day in Antarctica – the first one in almost 2 weeks of 14h+ days they had off – the women scientists scored a trip to the fast ice* thanks to Antarctic expedition leader extraordinaire Greg Mortimer. This was a rare treat to be had, as not many visitors to the icy continent are allowed to venture out on thin ice.

The women tried to sneak away without our tentacled overlords’ knowledge – but, let’s face it: there is no such thing as a sneakily quiet group of 76 excited women scientists. It was sheer luck that the Kraken and Dread Lord Cthulhu had gotten bored with raiding the ship’s bar and taunting Medusa. So, they escaped onto the fast ice by hiding on one of the zodiacs.

When the Kraken escapes on a zodiac

Once freed in their natural element, they engaged in some hijinks, scaring the seals and flailing their tentacles – all captured in a special wildlife photoshoot by a Canadian photographer.

The Kraken strangles wildlife photographer Shelley Ball – she saw too much! (BioEd)

Cthulhu and the Kraken on fast ice (photos by Shelley Ball)

But after much frolicking, they suddenly saw what some of the women had created – an evil more disgusting and powerful than even they could handle:


A clear relic of human presence on the pristine Antarctic fast ice! They simply could not let it live. And so, whilst the Kraken distracted the scientists, Dread Lord Cthulhu got to do its favourite thing: smiting Snowmanity with all its power and grace.

This terrible deed led Dread Lord Cthulhu to send a strong message to humanity – right there from the Antarctic fast ice. We have helpfully translated this rant about wasting precious resources and leaving rubbish and footprints in pristine places, from R’lyehian:

There was clear exasperation with the (in)human intrusion into their icy lair. They even thought about abandoning ship and leaving those scientists to their fates! But the expedition leader, a man of great wisdom who had survived many tantrums and terrors on the fast ice, finally managed to becalm them (he may have promised them some special rum). He cajoled them back to the ship to continue on as expedition mascots and Medusa-baiters.

Greg Mortimer catches Cthulhu and the Kraken (Photo: Cristina Venebles)

And so, their journey continues – away from Antarctica to their new lair on Wellington’s south coast. Here, they get to play with their new and improved smiting tool: the ‘shiny magic box’ (DrPusSea’s iPhone). This shiny magic box connects them to all of humanity! And, thus, also all of its many evil deeds of besmirching pristine wilderness. That should make wholesale smiting so much easier…

Just wait until Dread Lord Cthulhu finds out about the Great Pacific Garbage Patch!

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